The State of Modern Dating
311: Declining Sex, App Madness, Distractions
Morning all — quick break from markets and geopolitics today for the second lifestyle post and update on the dating space — we did the last one in 2023. Later this week we will touch on the state of the 2024 Presidential Race, Mark Zuckerberg’s recent admission of regret in aiding the Biden Administration in censorship and the 2020 election (major news alert), and some of the equity market movements I expect in the coming months.
I have heard since the pandemic that the dating space has really changed since the days I would roam New York City Pre Covid.
A sizeable amount of dating is done these days through dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and other more exclusive ones like The League and Raya. That being said the honeymoon phase of these apps appears to be over - downloads have actually decreased in the past four years, from a peak of 287.4 million downloads in 2019 (Businessofapps).
Stocks are getting hammered too.
Bumble shares crashed nearly 33 per cent on Thursday, August 8 and MTCH 0.00%↑ is trading around $37 after hitting $169 in 2021. Still nearly half of Americans (45% of respondents) in a Forbes Health/One Poll survey reported online dating apps to be the top spot for meeting someone to date (Forbes).
While it still may be the best spot to meet someone the broader decline in dating apps marks a dominant characteristic of the dating climate post Covid. Politics plays a huge part in dating now as does the changing job market and societal trends like the advent of cheap dopamine, the spread of porn, the decline of marriage, cost of living, and the frequency (or lack) of sex.
When I was young and single in my early twenties in San Francisco and New York dating was relatively normal — it was a mix of in person flings and dates sourced through dating apps like Hinge and Bumble. In New York, if you were remotely good looking and had a decent job the world was your oyster as a young man — bonus points if you were aloof but confident, and had the balls to approach women you had interest in instead of swiping on your phone in the corner of the bar like an anti social hobbit.
I never particularly had trouble dating and meeting women, however over time and as I got older the abundance of options started to weigh on me and my priorities shifted from short casual encounters to trying to find a long term partner. I was fatigued by the process of meeting new people, starting over, keeping up with prospects, spending money on dates, and taking energy away from other pursuits in my life like family, my business, or self improvement.
I was fortunate enough to meet my wife in person.
This isn’t everyone’s focus but in general I would say this is what most people want, even if they are lying to themselves and continuing to run on the hamster wheel.
New York City and any major metro are jungles. There’s always a better option or an option perceived to be better, if it’s not a date, it’s an event. There’s a saying that I see all the time online about how men need to get their wild years out of their system — and while I tend to agree with this, I also think it poses a hazard over time where you actually get that behavior ingrained IN your system. It becomes more and more difficult to focus on one person if you’re running around endlessly like Hugh Hefner.
I think this abundance of options AND the “commercialization” of dating prospects has been most detrimental to people looking for something more long term. Women over the years have been encouraged to be more casual in their dating, this had led to men having to do much less to get sex as there’s dozens of suitors available for any relatively successful man.
Again, there are dudes that want to be eternal playboys and I’m not knocking that, if that’s your vibe have at it, but in my personal experience and conversations I have had with friends and family members it seems the majority of people aren’t interested in doing that forever.
Even Dan Bilzerian a famous womanizer and size lord recounted in a recent podcast with Patrick Bet David that he sees some of the benefits of monogamy and slowing down to commit to one person.
Another major part of the problem is not only the options in the dating market, but the constant stimulation of life in these big cities — events, friends, drinking, traveling, jobs, and more command a significant amount of people’s attention driving them away from the time needed to form a meaningful or long term relationship with someone.
Today we have a comprehensive status check of the dating market covering:
some real POVs from a handful of women I polled in major cities globally, answering questions on dating apps, dating, and their experience
why young people are having less sex
trends with the most popular apps
what women feel is missing in many of these encounters
the rise of politics in the dating world and the impact it has on finding suitors
Today’s post is meant to give both men and women a good look at the playing field as it exists today. Again, people’s personal goals all vary when it comes to dating and sex — but I think all of you will gleam some interesting takeaways from the studies, polls, and dat I have compiled here today.
I was 23 and single when I started Arbitrage Andy and now I am 32 and married with a wife and son — I think it’s worth diving into this space for all of the people my age/generation who are trying to figure out what exactly is going on across the dating world in 2024.
“In its purest form, dating is auditioning for mating (and auditioning means we may or may not get the part).”
– Joy Browne
An Overview of Dating in 2024
Today we’re going to examine the dating space relying on new polls, studies, and statistics that paint a picture of the landscape. I have also polled some ladies from the Arbitrage Andy universe on a whole host of questions that can give some valuable insight into the dating world from a woman’s perspective.
One things for sure — there are some startling trends to note when it comes to fertility, sex, dating, and marriage in the modern world.